Rudderator not a pollie, he's a rockstar

Time for Kevin Rudd's people to begin working on setting up an IMDB page for the man we all love to speculate about. There are more rumours of impending leadership challenges for Ruddbot than there are DUI charges for Mel Gibson. It's embarrassing. Give the guy his due you facelsss minders! A list of starring roles can't be hard to put together, with names of co-stars and directors. Anything less will just cause strains in Rudd's vivid relationship with his doting constituents - which means, of  course, everyone in Australia. Even in Perth.

Today Fairfax websites went all Daily Telegraph, taking the cachet the Ruddster possesses to a new level of explicit. The story featured on each of the Fairfax websites. It was about Kevin Rudd's sister who, we were told in those dry, factual sentences that journalists are so good at putting together, HAD LEFT THE LABOR PARTY because of the change that was made to the Party platform regarding marriage equality. (I use this term instead of "gay marriage" because it is more respectful in relation to a very serious issue.) Unshaven and moderately-made-up jaws across the nation dropped a good fifteen centimetres (on average) when this news hit the 'net. Dazed commuters stopped on the street and wept. Bus drivers broke down in cascades of tears and collapsed over their steering wheels. Julia Gillard momentarily lost her innate poise and dipped a breadstick into the guacamole instead of the onion dip (she was attending a cocktail party to celebrate the new ministerial appointments). Birds fell from the sky, dead. It was unaccountable.

Seriously, Fairfax. And then you did something even less accountable. It just so happened that, on the same day as this unaccountable event occurred, Andrew Bolt's sister came out with an op-ed piece supporting marriage equality (note the respect there, again, peeps). So you did the only thing possible. You MADE A MONTAGE WITH RUDD'S FACE NEXT TO BOLT'S and posted it prominently on your websites. Cows produced curdled milk. Acid-spitting spiders dropped from trees onto unsuspecting commuters. Bus drivers retched uncontrollably, bringing up quanitities of evil-smelling bile. On the floors of their buses. It was extraordinary and, hopefully, will never again be repeated. At least while I'm in the country.

Ruddy hell.